Support at Your Fingertips

Imagine this…you’re having an atrocious bedtime with your six year-old daughter whom you adopted when she was 4.  She’s crying, running away from you, going in the bathroom and locking the door. Finally… you grab her and roughly take her to her bedroom, put her pajamas on and force her to sit on your lap to read stories.  All the time she is struggling and you are ‘trying’ your best to keep cool.  Finally---she goes off to sleep with tears on her cheeks and you crawling to the living room to have a good cry. 

After trying to distract yourself by watching TV, you retreat to bed…fully exhausted. Of course your mind is racing and you toss and turn until you remember your online counselor and that you can write to her at anytime.  Eagerly getting out of bed you go to the computer, putting all of your thoughts (and regrets) clearly for you to see and the rather anonymous counselor to read - no judgments to be seen on her face.  After getting all of your frustrations out - for yourself and an adoption specialist who understands the challenges you face and offers knowledgeable suggestions…you fall asleep.

Before bedtime the next night you check your email and find a helpful response from the online counselor.  No, she has no judgments – she understands and is encouraging… with her usual positive outlook she even points out some *good* things you did throughout this ‘dreadful’ bedtime episode.  She also offers possible underlying issues that could have contributed to the disruptive behaviors and creative interventions to ease the bedtime process.  With this helpful information-- tonight’s bedtime goes smoother, with you and your daughter hugging and saying “I love you”, before she drifts off to sleep.

Here’s another thought…. Do you have a teen-ager that refuses to see a counselor f2f (face to face)?  There’s actually been research to support the use of computer-mediated interventions over the traditional f2f mode of treatment (Zimmerman, 1987) with emotionally disturbed adolescents (OK, hopefully your teen is not emotionally disturbed…, but still…).  “The adolescents were much more likely to focus on emotional issues and resolve problems in an adaptive way in their online group than in the f2f group”, (Online Counseling:  A Handbook for Mental Health Professionals)  When my 16 year-old and I are in conflict it’s often easier for us to communicate via email - give it a try!

Online counseling is a new resource for families touched by adoption and can offer a valuable service in an easily accessible format, providing:

* Counseling

* Coaching

* Educational information/resources

* Support… at your fingertips, there to read anytime you want.

For more information check out en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_counseling, or for adoption specific, try www.adoptionsupportonline.com,

Lyn Marx, M.S., L.P.C. is with ACES (Adoption Counseling and Educational Services) and has completed Level 1 and 2 of Cybercounseling Training through Toronto University.  She has also completed the Post-graduate certificate training in ‘Therapy with Children who are Adopted and their Families’, through Portland State University, AND is an adoptive parent living in Eugene, Oregon.  For more information about on-line therapy, Adoption Support Online, and Lyn Marx, click on www.adoptionsupportonline.com.